Tot School

I became familiar with the term "Tot School" thanks to Pinterest. I often search Pinterest for play ideas for Calvin and Henry and I started coming across blogs that were referring to play-based learning at home with babies and toddlers as "Tot School."

The term seems to have come from blogger Carisa at 1+1+1=1 and she has great resources for Tot School on her blog, including an FAQ page in which I think she does a nice job of explaining the concept and the thoughts behind the concept. In her words,

"Tot School isn't really school at all, it is simply a name given to the idea of learning through play at home during the younger years. Tot School is nothing more than intentionally providing your tot with age appropriate activities that are fun and engaging. By choosing specific toys and activities, we expose our tots to a variety of early learning skills. Mastery is not the goal, FUN is!"

So all the art projects, sensory bins, DIY toys, etc. that I've been making/using/doing with Calvin and Henry could be called Tot School. But this year, I find myself wanting to take it a step further. Especially because we have decided not to pursue preschool for Calvin until after he turns 3. 

So here are my hopes for our Tot School:

I want to be more intentional in choosing concepts to introduce to Calvin and Henry. 

To do this, we'll have a weekly theme that I will use to guide me in planning play activities. For inspiration, I'm checking out this list of Weekly Learning Themes from ALLterNATIVE Learning. I'm also going to pick things that interest the boys and James and me, and I'll consider the season/time of year. I'm not going to go ahead and plan the whole year out because I want freedom to change things/skip weeks/be flexible. I can't commit to a whole year plan. I'll plan about 6 weeks worth of themes at a time. Here are the themes for our first 6 weeks:

I'm starting out with really basic toddler concepts/skills. These are things we talk about all the time, but using them as weekly themes will give me the opportunity to really focus on each one for a week. 

And you know I can't resist a holiday, plus Valentine's is my FAVORITE, so of course we'll do a whole week of Valentine's Day themed play :)

We will also have a Letter of the Week. For the first six weeks we will do the letters of Calvin's name in order. I like using his name instead of going in alphabetical order because his name is something more concrete and personal which gives him a way to connect meaning to the letters we are talking about. At first I tried to match the theme to the letter, but that was too limiting. 

I want to be more organized about planning and putting together learning activities.

So it's back to lesson planning! A very familiar concept for a former teacher like myself. And no, I do not have an adorable clip-art decorated lesson plan template to share with you, sorry! At the moment, I am writing out my weekly plan on graph paper. Very fancy. 

I want to keep it simple. 

Our therapy schedule is pretty packed these days and it's important to me that we have time to go out and do fun stuff and also have plenty of time for the boys to just be at home and free play. Plus, we've usually got play dates and doctor appointments scattered throughout each month. I don't want to feel like I'm adding a big commitment to our schedule. I really don't want this to be stressful for myself or for the boys. So I don't even feel like I can commit specific times of the day for Tot School. 

Instead, I'm just planning two Tot School activities for each day: one to go along with our weekly learning theme, and one for our Letter of the Week. My goal will be to do the theme activity sometime in the AM and the Letter of the Week activity sometime in the PM. This way, I'm free to structure they day however it works best for whatever else we've got going on. And if we don't have time for them because we've got a super busy day, we can double up the next day, push our schedule into the weekend, or skip activities altogether. No stress. 

I want it to be fun!

This is not at all about introducing what it's like to be in school. The boys do not have to sit still. They do not have to focus if they aren't able to. We are not tied to a lesson objective and there will not be an assessment at the end of the week. If Calvin is distracted, fine! If he's not having fun, forget it! We'll stop and do something else that's grabbing his interest at that moment. We can always come back and try again, or try it a different way that's more engaging for him. 

For example, last week I was trying to engage Calvin in helping me make a paper collage rainbow and in the middle of it Henry woke up from his nap. I put Henry into his high chair near where Calvin and I were making the rainbow. But Calvin completely forgot about the rainbow, and instead he went to the other side of the table where I'd left a bag of pom poms and started giving Henry handfuls of pom poms to play with! Did I make him stop and finish the rainbow? Naw. We never did finish that rainbow. He and Henry were having fun playing together with the pom poms and that was waaaayy more valuable and special than the paper rainbow project! 

Obviously this whole Tot School thing is mostly for Calvin's benefit, simply because Henry is at a very different developmental level. He's got other fish to fry before he learns his colors and shapes :) Still, I intend to let Henry participate in any way that he can. I want him to feel included. So I will modify activities when it's possible, or give him something else to do in the same space where Calvin and I are doing Tot School. At times, we will likely do Tot School during Henry's morning nap, just for convenience. 

I've gotta confess, I'm pretty nervous about starting this whole Tot School thing because I'm afraid I'm going to get overwhelmed and flake out on it. Or just come up with a new Brilliant Idea and flake out on the first one. If there's anything I like better than making a plan, it's changing a plan. Sometimes my flexibility makes me really flaky. 

So I'm keeping it laid-back in the hopes that it will feel low-stress, and I'll share our experiences here on the blog so you can see whether we make it past these first six weeks ;) 

Anybody else doing Tot School with your little ones? Or something similar? How do you organize your activities? 

#happyhopeful2015

In January of 2014, despite the fact that I was really struggling to deal with Henry's diagnosis of Dup15q - or maybe because I was trying to find productive ways to deal with it - I wrote a post with some ideas for traditions for the new year. I called it #onlyamazingthingsin2014 :) And we totally had lots of amazing things in 2014!

In that post, one new year's idea that I tried out was a Magic Moments Journal. The idea was to use it as a place to record special moments for our family, especially small ones that might otherwise be easily forgotten.

Confession: The journal only made it to April. 

Hee hee. Oops. But even though our Magic Moments Journal is only 1/3 complete, I basically replaced it with posts on Twitter and Instagram. Not as romantic as a handwritten journal, but for me it was more practical. I always have my phone nearby (for better or worse... but mainly for convenience) but I don't always have pen and paper let alone the journal. So it's easy for me to snap a pic and share it, or write a quick tweet and then I've got the magic of the interweb to let me/us look back at our magic moments. Plus, I can print out my Twitter feed or Instagram pics to save in tangible form if I ever get around to doing that. (Ha.)

On the cover of our 2014 journal, I put part of a quote from Mother Teresa:

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."

I chose that quote because I felt it matched the intention of the journal: to record small, but meaningful, things. I also think it resonated with me because I was feeling overwhelmed by the idea of raising not one, but two special needs children. One of whom would likely have much more serious challenges than the other. I was terrified. But reminding myself to focus on small things within my grasp helped me let go of that fear. 

I still feel those fears and worries of parenthood and adulthood and special needs parenting. Of course I do. But my heart is also full of hopes. So here's a quote that is really resonating with me for this year: 

Hopes become goals and goals take hard work! So my prayer for this year is to be led by hope so that I am willing to do that hard work and make choices - even if they are hard or scary - that will help us reach our goals. Sometimes it's big stuff like scheduling a surgery for my child, and sometimes it is little stuff like feeling anxious about making a phone call to our insurance company! 

I like setting intentions for the new year. 

What about you? What are your intentions for 2015? 

Got a favorite quote for the new year? 

Any new year's traditions to share? 

#happyhopeful2015

What do Sharks Eat?

Happy New Year again! :)

I hope your year is off to a great start. I feel like we have hit the ground running around here. This week James is back to work and the boys are back to their therapy schedule. I am still working on getting our apartment back in order after the holidays, and, of course, I'm back to taking care of scheduling the boys' medical appointments and various meetings involving their therapy services.

We had a great Christmas and New Year's eve/day and we got to spend time with lots of family whom we love and don't see often enough. We were sad to say goodbye to Danpa and Granny when they headed back to Georgia.

But Hartley, our cousin who lives upstairs and who usually spends lots of time with us, was out of town for Christmas and New Year's. So we were all very glad to see him on Monday when he came home from his travels!

Hartley came down to our apartment in the early evening and was playing with Calvin while I was cooking dinner. Henry was busy playing by himself on the mat in the living room (our living room and kitchen are just one big room). I was busy at the stove and Calvin was chasing Hartley around the living room and kitchen with his shiny shark stuffed animal.

It's a pretty rad iridescent pink shark that another one of our cousins gave Calvin for Christmas a year ago. At the time, Calvin was afraid of it so the shark spent all of 2014 hidden on a high shelf until this past weekend when I took something else down from that shelf and revealed the shark's hiding place to Calvin. Apparently he's not scared of it anymore! He asked me to get it down and he's been playing with it ever since.

So Calvin and Hartley were running in circles around the apartment with Hartley slowing down enough for Calvin and the shark to catch him every now and then and they're carrying on with roaring shark noises and fake cries of fear from Hartley and I was standing at the stove sauteeing onions and feeling so, so thankful for having someone to entertain Calvin so I could cook dinner! I turned around and said, "Hartley, I'm so glad you're home!"

Hartley smiled and said he was glad to be back and kept letting Calvin chase him around in circles and pretended to be scared and hurt when Calvin let the shiny stuffed shark bite him. Then Hartley stopped for a moment.

Hartley: Does Calvin know that sharks eat fish?

Me: ...Um, I think he knows. Calvin, what do sharks eat?

Calvin: HARTLEY!!  

And then we all cracked up and Calvin resumed his chase :)

The View from Last New Year's

About a year ago, either just before or just after the first of the year, James and I went out on what must have been our first date since Henry had been born. My mom was still in town and she stayed with the babies so James and I could go out to dinner.

After dinner, as we walked the dark streets back to our car, I confessed something very sad to James.

I said, "I feel like we have nothing to look forward to this year."

 I feel like we have nothing to look forward to.


How could I say such a thing?? How could I feel such a thing??



At that time, Henry was 5 months old, which means I was 5 months postpartum. I would not doubt that I was suffering from some level of postpartum depression.

But the bigger burden I was carrying was the pain of coping with Henry's diagnosis. A diagnosis which we were keeping quiet about, at the time, except to very close family and friends. Another diagnosed genetic anomaly in our family. A diagnosis which, at that time last new years, still felt very much like an open wound.



I was grieving. Not for the beautiful baby that was Henry, but for all the things I believed that his diagnosis stole from him. And all the things I believed it stole from our family. I was filled with fear for him and for myself.

Will he ever walk? Will he ever talk? What will he understand?? 

How can I possibly care for two special needs children?

I am ashamed to admit it, but I feared that Henry would be a burden that I would never be free of.



I also felt guilty for having given birth to another genetically abnormal child. It is still very hard for me to truly believe that it wasn't my fault. I still have my doubts. Maybe if I had been healthier. Eaten more organic foods. Waited longer between pregnancies... maybe I could have spared my youngest child the challenges that lie ahead for him.


I was also angry. How could this have happened to us AGAIN?? Why us?? Why our kids?? It felt so unfair.



I had spent my pregnancy imagining all the things that would be good about having two boys so close in age. I thought our biggest challenge would be parenting such closely-spaced siblings. So the optimist in me was dreaming of all the ways it would be awesome instead of hard to have two little boys. I imagined how much fun it would be to see them running around together at the playground. I imagined that having a typically-developing brother close to his age might help Calvin with his speech development. I thought we'd be able to travel sooner, take family vacations sooner, because we'd be out of the diapers and bottles stage faster than families who wait longer to have their second children.

And when we found out about Henry's diagnosis it felt like all those dreams got ripped away. Henry would not be running around with his brother anytime soon. Henry would not be talking with Calvin or with anyone else anytime soon, if ever. We would not be out of the diapers and bottles phase anytime soon, if ever.



I had also spent my pregnancy imagining how wonderful it would be to have a typically developing baby. I dreamed of being able to breastfeed a baby, of seeing a baby hit milestones at the times that all the baby books say they are supposed to happen, of having a baby that I could fairly compare to other babies of the same age.

And I knew because of his diagnosis that with Henry, once again, none of those things would happen.




For me, the view from last New Year's was dark. I looked at the year ahead, the years ahead, and all I could see was struggle. Sadness. Loss.

I saw doctor's appointments and therapy sessions draining our energy and time. I saw myself dragging through each day, weighed down by the painful feelings I was carrying. I saw us missing out on all the things that would have been possible if we'd been a "normal" family.

I was wrong. 


And I spent all year proving myself wrong.



Somehow I pulled myself out of the despair where last New Year's found me.

I took my placenta pills and I saw an acupuncturist to help me re-balance my hormones. I went to the gym. I went to yoga. I started running. I started reading a daily (or almost daily) devotional. I wrote down my prayers. A few friends and I even formed a mama support group.

I had to take care of myself in order to be a good mama. I had to feel healthy and whole as a person, as me, in order to take on the other challenges that I felt I was facing.

The year did indeed hold many, many doctor appointments and therapy sessions, and even a surgery and a couple of hospital stays.

But I made every effort to make sure that our year was also full of days at the zoo, picnics at the park, walks in the woods, and visits to museums and aquariums. 

We even took a couple of airplane trips. To Seattle to see a friend, and then to the southeast to visit family.

We made birthdays and holidays special.

On our days at home, we did art projects and sensory play and built train tracks and blanket forts.

And Henry and Calvin grew and learned and were happy.



Calvin started talking. It's very hard to understand him, but his little brain has acquired a lot of language and he is always finding new ways to show us how smart he really is.

Calvin is also daytime potty-trained! He still wears pull-ups at naptime and night, but he wears underpants (adorable tiny Hanes boxer briefs!) during the day and he can use the potty all by himself at home, or tell us when he needs to go.

Though Henry had a rough time with health problems, we were able to help him with guidance from his doctors and with a successful surgery to clear his airway.

Henry learned to roll over. To sit up. To scoot around the room. And now he is working very hard to build up enough strength to crawl and to stand. He works so hard, my little guy.

Henry is learning to eat "real" foods. Table foods, like the rest of the family eats. Over this holiday week he has eaten scrambled eggs and green peas, a buttermilk biscuit, and even some turkey! He is also doing better with swallowing thin liquids like water or formula with less thickener. We may be able to move past bottle feeding pretty soon after all.

When I make sure our days and weeks are filled with fun things to do and interesting places to visit, it's because I want the boys to have lots of chances to see and experience and learn. But it's also because when they look back at their childhood, I don't want them to remember it as just a long string of doctor appointments. When we all look at our life as a family, I don't want it to look as bleak as I thought it would a year ago.

I needed to prove to myself that our life could still be full and rich and happy. That the babies' diagnoses did not rob us of a chance for a joyful family life. That I had no reason to be afraid.



Here on the cusp of another year, I am not afraid. I am grateful. I thank God for my beautiful babies and my beautiful family. I thank God for all the joy the past year brought and for the strength that got us through the challenges. I thank God for all our happy memories of 2014. And I thank God for the lessons I learned this past year.

Now I can see what I could not see a year ago. That no matter what hardships lie ahead, we are strong enough to do the work. And no matter what those hardships are, they are not the whole picture. We will always be able to make space for joy.

So this year, I can say that I believe we have plenty to look forward to.

More experiences to learn from. Plenty of laughter and love.


Happy New Year.

A Very Henry Christmas

We had a very merry Christmas at our house :)

Santa brought goodies for Calvin and Henry and there were more presents to exchange among the family. Lots of new toys and books and other fun stuff for everybody.

Cousins came over. Yummy holiday food was served. Our little home was abuzz with laughter and voices... smells of sweets and casseroles and fried turkey... Christmas music playing in the background... and toys and gifts and wrapping paper all over the place! Your typical Christmas day scene.

And it was wonderful and happy :) But it wasn't easy for our non-typical little Henry.

Henry is sensitive to loud noises and noisy places. He is ok with meeting new people or being around people we don't see often - but only if I am nearby. He is NOT ok with being left with unfamiliar people and if there are lots and lots of unfamiliar people, it is overwhelming for him. Even if they are people who love him very much and try very hard to calm him down and make him happy.

Sorry guys, it's not you... it's Henry :/

This is not news to James or me. We know these things about Henry. We have learned what upsets him and what calms him. Or, rather we are learning. Because, of course, as Henry grows and develops he changes little by little. But I don't think he will grow out of these sensitivities. On the contrary, I think he is becoming more sensitive as he becomes more aware of the world around him.

And it's ok. He is who he is. We can't change him, we can only try to help him. Help him deal with a busy and noisy world full of new and unfamiliar things. And not just deal with it, but hopefully find ways to enjoy it. And be happy! Because many busy and noisy and unfamiliar things are also wonderful things! Like Christmas day in a cozy apartment full of family and food and love.

So when I needed to be in the kitchen cooking and Henry cried and fussed at being left with anybody else besides Mama, I did what I needed to do for the both of us. I strapped him into the Ergo and did all my cooking with him right there under my nose. I delegated any tasks that I couldn't do with Henry in the Ergo, like moving dishes in and out of the hot oven, and my parents and cousins were happy to help. Henry calmed down and watched the rest of us from his cozy spot, safely snuggled up next to me. When it was time to sit down for dinner, I sat with Henry and fed him and myself. Other people served me food because if I tried to get up, Henry would cry. Henry spent just about the entire day attached to me until finally, it was time for him and Calvin to go to bed.

When Henry was asleep in his crib at last, I was so relieved. It had been exhausting keeping him close, keeping him calm, giving him my energy to help him feel safe and happy amid a very unfamiliar and noisy and busy day on top of chatting with cousins and cooking the food and trying to enjoy the day myself.

After Calvin and Henry went to bed, more cousins came over for more food and gifting. And tired as I was, it was nice to have more party to enjoy without my babies to worry about.

This is the first time that I really felt like a Special Needs Parent at a family gathering. It was the first family party where Henry's different needs were really apparent and in need of attention. What will I do next year when Henry is too big to be toted around in the Ergo?? I will probably need to make sure I'm not responsible for anything else besides Henry!

Parents with sensory sensitive kiddos, what do you do to help them through holidays and family parties?

Hard as it was, I really am not complaining. I'm just reflecting on the experience. I don't mean to imply that it was a bad one. I mean, it's not a bad way to spend Christmas - with your youngest baby snuggled up with you all day.

Parenting is hard work for all of us, after all, isn't it? And so is hosting a family party on Christmas day! Maybe it's a different kind of hard for parents with different kinds of kids, but it's also a different kind of happy :)

Henry and Calvin were thrilled with their new toys! Henry has come a long way with how well he is able to manipulate and enjoy toys and books and it was wonderful to see him pick up a big rattle-y ball - how strong he is getting! And grab little dinosaurs - how well he is grasping! And even stand at the table, with help, to see and touch the train set! And, as long as he was in my familiar arms, he shared his sweet smile and laugh with his grandparents and cousins. Friendly in his own way. And actually, he did let his great-grandmother Lola Coring hold him for a little while earlier in the day (before things became just too overwhelming for him). He loves Lola and she is more familiar to him than most other relatives because she lives upstairs and he spends time with her often. It is lovely to see Henry with Lola.

Calvin, of course, was the life of the party. He spent the day wildly playing with all his cousins and having a blast. He partied right through his naptime, and ended up crashing for a late nap just before dinner. He woke up grumpy, like he usually does, but his grumpyness didn't last long and soon he was back to being the life of the party and loving every second of playing with his cousins!

There was lots and lots to give thanks for. Lots and lots to enjoy. And we did.

I refuse to feel sorry for myself or Henry even when things are hard. He is who he is, and I'm his mama and we'll figure it out. Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances.

For unto us a child is born.

Merry Christmas.

A Look Back at our Christmas Countdown

It's Christmas Eve!

Granny and Danpa are in town. My home is full of food waiting to be prepared for tomorrow and gifts that I still haven't wrapped. (I wasn't kidding about that wrapping presents on Christmas Eve thing!) I am so excited about having family over today and tomorrow to celebrate Christmas, although my apartment feels totally unprepared for it... But the cooking and the cleaning and the gift wrapping will get taken care of with a little work and a little help. It's Christmas! Miracles happen :)

I'd say our Christmas Countdown was a success. We skipped a couple of things, but all in all it was great to have a plan to fit in all this fun stuff and it kept me from being lame and staying in watching Dinosaur Train on some of the rainy days we've had this month (Yay for rain! But raincoats and galoshes and umbrellas make it extra work to get out of the house!). Like the day we went to the library to drop off our food donations. It was pouring rain and I did not feel like gearing up and heading out into the downpour. But I knew if we didn't go drop off our donations that day, then I'd probably forget about it because we'd be busy with our other stuff, or worse, I'd keep procrastinating and blaming it on the weather. So I pulled it together and we went, rain gear and all, puddles and all, which Calvin likes anyway :)


Here's a look back at some of the other fun stuff we did.

We read the story of Jesus' birth.

We made snowflake pictures. 

We read "The Gingerbread Baby" and "Gingerbread Friends" and then we made some gingerbread friends of our own!

The boys picked out new Christmas books. The Dinosaurs' Night Before Christmas,
and The Night Before the Night Before Christmas.

James cut down our Christmas tree!

And we brought it home and decorated it. 

Um... we tried playing with snow dough...

We donated toys at Sleep Train.

We saw reindeer at the Academy of Sciences.

We decorated a gingerbread house!

We went to see some fancy neighborhood Christmas displays.
And doesn't Calvin look adorable in those leggings?? They are actually pajamas :)

Here's Henry at the neighborhood lights in his Mickey PJ's :)

We saw Caltain's holiday train! And we donated toys to Toys for Tots at this event too. 

We made a Christmas tree picture. With sparkly dinosaurs! 

We saw Santa! Santaaaaa!!

Calvin made cards for two of his friends.

We went to see the lights at the zoo with our cousins.

And tonight, we'll leave out something yummy for Santa!


I hope everyone celebrating tonight and tomorrow has a very happy, warm-fuzzy Christmas :)

DIY Gift Wrap Ideas

It's less than a week until Christmas, so of course I have all my gifts purchased and wrapped under the tree.


Nope. That was a lie. I have not wrapped one. single. gift. I haven't even bought them all yet! Though, to be fair, I am relying on Santa for the bulk of our family's presents. You guys are all on the Nice List, right?


Well, if, like me, you will be doing all your lovely gift-wrapping on Christmas Eve in-between baby bedtime and Santa's arrival (because we all have to be asleep when Santa comes, obviously), here are some DIY gift-wrap ideas to inspire you! Then again, if these sound like too much work, I would encourage you to embrace the time honored tradition of easy peasy gift wrapping via gift bag + tissue paper :)

Brown Paper Packages - Dress up plain postal paper for unique gift wrap.

May Your Nails be Merry & Bright - Gift tag idea for nail polish gifts.

Wine Bottle Gift Tags 

Neon Lines  - Go crazy with washi tape.

Blooming Blossoms - An elaborate way to dress up a special gift.

What's your gift-wrap style? Crafty? Easy? Get it gift-wrapped at the store? Let your teenage daughter wrap most of the gifts? (I'm lookin' at you Mom and Dad!)

Happy Wrapping :)